Such is life !

Hey guys,

Took some break from writing ,rather had to, with health reasons stepping into the picture, nothing serious, just the occasional fever and fatigue :(, and although i wanted to pen this post earlier, somehow just couldn't find enough time to do it.

Anyways, better late than never, and here i am going to write about something i have always felt strongly about. Very recently, i read Lance Armstrong's autobiographical work ( just scroll below to get the review of 'Its not about the bike: My journey back to life). Now ppl, don't think that i am besotted with this guy..what with back-to-back posts about him. But while i was reading the book, i was trying to find some reference about the singer - Sheryl Crow, because as far as i could remember, while i was still at school, the 'News Around the World' column in 'The Times of India' regularly used to carry reports of Lance and Sheryl as a couple, while i knew that they were set to marry and then had also separated, but still i was thinking that the book would carry some sort of hint about her.

But i was surprised when i saw an entire chapter dedicated to his (then) wife Kristin Armstrong. I was wondering, when did he marry ? and then when was Miss Crow in his life ? I know that i have no business peeping in other's personal lives, but to confess, its so hard to act that you are indifferent ! You always want to know some gossip! (Atleast, i love to read such stuff....oh my my, should i really let you know all this ?).

Anyways, i read what Lance had to say about Kristin, the way this girl came into his life after cancer, and how they both hit it off together. I read that Kristin was always an independent woman who would not change herself / her life for a man. She was smart, worked in a firm handling their PR, promotional activities i think. That is how she met Lance, when his cancer foundation was working with Kristin's firm. Kristin was portrayed as protective about her emotions, and somebody who would not let anyone hurt her.

Then i see, how she fell in love , rather swept off her feet by the charismatic cyclist, how they get married and how Kristin's life changed forever. Now her husbands cycling career became the mainstay of her life. She left her job, sold her house, gave away her dog, and settled in Europe (France), so that Lance could prepare for the tour. I saw all the efforts she put in to change houses, settle in a different culture, learn the difficult french..all for her husband. When he suddenly vaccilates on his decision and says that he wants to go back to america, she is horrified , but nevertheless still supports him. You see that back in america, she copes with a man trying to come to terms with his career, and this indeed is a painful process. Becuase Lance does not know what he wants to do in life, he whiles time away, playing golf, eating mexican food and generally turning into a slob- the retired sportsman type.

Even through this, Kristin tries to feed sense into him, networking with his friends and planning to get him back on track. So eventually, its time to go back to Europe once more and set base there. Then again, Kristin does all this very heriocally. Lance goes on to win the Tour de France and becomes the toast of the cycling world. And then there are back-to-back victories later on. The wife endures IVF treatment to become a mother to 3 of his children. The procedure is decribed in depth in the book and i really see how bad it is , with so many injection shots to endure. The book ends on a high note with a perfect picture of the couple strolling on the beach alongwith their son Luke, with their backs to the cameras !

After finishing the book, the next day i Googled Lance Armstrong determined to unravel the mystery in my head. And here i stumbled upon the facts of his life. The book was published in 2000. Lance and Kristin were married in 1998. The couple filed for divorce in September 2003. It is then that Sheryl Crow came into picture, so it was here that i had been reading the news about them. Finally Crow made an exit from his life in 2006. After that , he has beeen linked to a lot of women - known and unknown. I could not help thinking about the line in the book where he says, that as a teenager into sports, he missed out on a lot of social life, well Lance, you more than made up for it later on ;). Never mind. In fact, my colleague Sandip joked that probably the next Armstrong book must be called 'It's not about the wife: My journey back to singlehood' (:P).

I was intrigued about the divorce and tried to find the reason for it. The image i had of Kristin was of a devoted wife and dedicated mother. So what had happened which made her decide that that was the end of the relationship when the book stresses that they were nothing better than soul-mates and who understood each other perfectly as partners ? Well, i stumbled upon some back-dated divorce news reports and also some columns written by Kristin herself. Here , she says that in the marriage she lost a part of herself, lost her identity, and lost her say on things. Never once to hint that Lance forced any decisions on her, but still she gave up her independence and her free spirit.

To quote Kristin precisely : "Here is the truth as I see it: Marriage has the potential to erode the very fiber of your identity. If you aren't careful, it can tempt you to become a "yes woman" for the sake of salvaging your romantic dream. It can lure you into a pattern of pleasing that will turn you into someone you'll hardly recognize and probably won't like. I am warning you because I only wish someone had warned me.".............Hmmm, then again i also found some stuff written by other people where they said that Kristin's advice is rather scaring becuase not all marriages are such that only the woman sacrifices. Even men have to bear that cross many times. Sandip was quick enough to give me examples of successful women like ICICI head-honcho Chanda Kochhar, Biocon founder Kiran Mazumdar Shaw, Pepsico CEO Indra Nooyi who have won both the world and their hearth as well. And they did it with their husband's support. In celebrity marriages, it is but natural for one person to get most of the attention while the other basks in reflected spotlight. So when you enter such a marriage, you have to understand the special demands to keep it working.

I was left wondering about a few questions:

1. How difficult is it for a woman to retain her identity, as in a sense of independence and be married as well ?
2. Is it necessary that for a relationship to work, one of the partners has to put his dreams on the back-burner and support the other ? Also, aren't women supposed to volunteer for this automatically ?
   
3. Where and how should a person draw the line so that they are independent and still not be selfish ?

I know these are difficult questions with no precise answer. So i am leaving this post open for you to think about it and let me know your views. This is food for your thoughts ! See you soon.